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The year was 2019…

…and three married sports fans thought “our talents are wasted on wives, families and work; let’s commit our heart and soul to something worthwhile.”

— Oscar Wilde.

And thus, ‘”I’m Sportacus”/”Oneintwentynine” was created. Just like that. Boom, done. Easy. We’re off to sort out ISIS next.

This is a website designed to be a safe haven for our thoughts on football, cricket, and <insert additional sports types here>, that we love and enjoy. We want to talk about them. Hell, sometimes we want to write about them. And we figure we’ll do just that.

So sit down, shut up, and strap yourselves in for some epic/naff commentary on key sporting events, ground-breaking gossip and intuitive digestive chat. Think Alan Hansen on LSD.

We consist of the musings of Tom ‘9 out of 10’ Flynn, Ben ‘1 in 29’ Wheatland, and Josh ‘Error’ Staniforth. Stats refer to shots to goal ratio from 10-15 years ago. BECAUSE STATISTICS DON’T TELL THE WHOLE STORY. #SPORT #SPORT? #SPORT.

THE TOP 5 NICHOLAS BENDTNAR GOALS:

Nicholas Bendtnar hasn’t scored any good goals.

England selectors take novel approach of selecting 12 fit players for 2nd test

It looks like England might actually have a chance in this second test, given the fact that the England selectors have a cunning plan.

Reminiscent of something that General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett would have drafted up to catch the villainous Hun completely by surprise, they’ve managed to manifest the quite frankly ridiculous strategy of picking 12 players who could actually take part in the entire match.

Step aside W.G.Grace. Stand back Bradman. Settle down there Tendulkar. This clever, clever decision is something that Sherlock Holmes would have been proud of. For some reason, plan A of selecting a half-fit James Anderson to bowl 4 overs and not be able to run when batting – relying of course on his known prowess as a tailend slogger – hadn’t worked.

Who knew?!

Additionally, this tactic also meant that England approached the game with a scheme of wearing down the Australian batsman with a progressively knackered Broad/Woakes combination, 2 x part time spinners in Denly and Root, and a Moeen Ali who, I’m pretty sure, is actually an imposter with the real Ali off on holiday at a Centre Parcs somewhere.

And we wonder why Steve Smith had such a fun time swatting our potent attack of medium pace and “spin” away like a german tourist bapping wasps off from his Beer and Schnitzel with a fork.

Promisingly, by error or by default, it does now mean that the Selectors have managed to end up with Archer on their team sheet, who’s pace could actually cause the otherwise comfortable Australian batsman some concern, and Leach in place of the gone-missing Ali, who should be able to at least give the hint of tying up an end with his spin and, crucially, chip in with some important runs.

Not in a dissimilar fashion to Melchett, the Selectors may have a chance of winning this war of attrition through no actual skill of their own.



Money, money, money

It is said that money is what makes the world go round. It is certainly the grease that keeps the transfer merry-go-round turning and wow, how well lubricated that is at the moment. I love watching top quality football with the best players in the world and having the opportunity to do so from my sofa 4 or 5 times a week is fantastic but I’m no longer sure this is worth the price. I don’t mean the actual cost of the various subscriptions one has to have to BT and Sky etc but how the money from TV deals is affecting the game. This is highlighted within the English game at the moment in the disparity between Premier League (and Championship) clubs and Lower League clubs.

What is going on at Bury breaks my heart as a football fan. My club went through something similar 7/8 years ago and it was horrible. We were close to extinction and it looks like Bury have one foot over the edge. 2 games postponed, not enough players to make a team, a transfer embargo and a seemingly mental chairman. They will be starting their season with a 12 point deduction when (or if!) it finally gets started. As with all these things there are two sides of the story and Bury got in this position in the first place because they were obviously spending too much money. However, we don’t want to lose any football clubs. Especially a decent size club with a decent history in the Football League. They have played in every Football League season since 1894. I would much rather have a Bury than a Salford any day of the week. There is a very real chance that we could see Bury kicked out of the EFL very soon.

Bolton too started the season with a 12 point deduction but a takeover looks to be on the cards to keep them alive. Every season, there seems to be clubs struggling financially. Surely this shows that there needs to be tighter regulations over money spending in the EFL and the so called ‘Fit and Proper’ test for owners needs to be made fit for purpose itself.

EFL management issues aside, a lot of this stems from the Premier League and TV deals. Not only do teams want to play in the Premier League because it is the highest league in the country but because it is worth more than £120m a season to each team. The influx of TV money (£1.7 billion a season) into the EPL means transfers prices have rocketed because everyone knows they can name their price now. A small portion of this money filters down to EFL clubs through solidarity payments. In 2018/19,  a total of £106.3m was paid to EFL teams not receiving parachute payments (payments to teams relegated from the EPL to help them adjust to no longer being in the EPL) by the EPL as a ‘we appreciate you’ pat on the head kind of gesture. That is a hefty amount of money but is still less than one Premier League team receives in a season. Also, once these payments are split out, they start to show the increasing disparity within the EFL itself. It makes sense for Championship teams to receive higher payments than those in League 1 or 2 because it is a higher league, higher wages etc. However, the difference is considerable and shows why the Championship is becoming a second Premier League. Of the £106.3m solidarity payments, £79.1m is given to Championship teams. £4.65m to each team. That leaves £27.2m for Leagues 1 and 2. Teams in the Championship are receiving £4.65m while those in League 1 get £0.7m and League 2 get £0.47m. There is no way League 1 and 2 teams can hold on to their best players when Championship teams will offer players 5 or 10 times their wage just to sit on the bench. Unless a team has a sugar daddy owner (plural in the case of Salford), they just cannot do it.

Despite the above, clubs in the Championship are consistently making losses of millions of pounds each season in the hope that they will be playing against the big guns of the Premier League. In order to have the best chance to get promoted, they are offering higher and higher salaries to bring in the best players and they don’t get promoted that year then they may have to go bigger the following season to try again. I believe the appropriate term is dicing with death.

Every supporter wants to see their club playing in the Premier League, of course, but would you gamble the future of your club on making it? I know I wouldn’t.

PS. English football existed before 1992.

Ashes to Ashes

It’s the first of August and the Ashes are here. As I write this, Australia are 37-3 after 17 overs. Warner (2), Bancroft (8) and Khawaja (13) have all walked back to the Edgbaston pavilion to the delight of the raucous England crowd.

What a start that is for England having lost the toss and being put in to bowl. Broad has earned his place in the team with the two early wickets of Bancroft and Warner. Woakes took the third wicket of Khawaja. Smith and Head are now at the crease with Smith being the man that England will be particularly keen to get. He was a rather large, fidgety thorn in England’s side in the last Ashes series in England and he will be keen to prove himself on the big occasion again after sandpaper-gate.

This series has picked up where the Cricket World Cup left off. England on top.

The Ashes are here.

What is the point of Ozil? (Rebuttal)

Me and Josh have always disagreed about Ozil. I think Ozil is one of the most visionary footballers on the planet and Josh wrongly thinks that he is a waste of space.

I agree that he has been a bit useless at Arsenal in recent times but who hasn’t? Aubamayeng and Lacazette excepted.

Now back to Ozil, the guy oozes quality. Granted, he isn’t the hardest worker but what he can do on the ball more than makes up for that. He is always happy to receive the ball and make space for himself where others wouldn’t dare ask for the ball.

His vision is second to none and he backs it up with actually being able to play the pass. He must be a joy for strikers to play with because you know that he will always see your run and be able to pick you out.

Also, he scored one of my favourite goals ever. That goal against Ludogorets was the very epitome of composure and class. Which is pure Mesut Ozil.

Maguire to Man Utd?

I went to London last week, and had to pay £12 for two pints. Shocking, right? Well, that only just trumps some of the prices being quoted for Harry Maguire and his potential move to Man Utd.
£80m?!?! Ridiculous. How on earth is he worth that much? That would circa 80m x Greggs sausage rolls, or 61m chicken bakes. No one is worth that.


Plus, if he goes for 80m, that means LCFC are likely to buy Lewis Dunk for £40m.

£40m? Really?! That’s more than the entire first team of Leicester’s Premier League winning squad. £5m more than Ngolo ‘50% of the world is covered by water, the other 50% is covered by’ Kante.

I’ll believe that once Boris Johnson becomes Prime Minister HA POLITICAL SATIRE

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